50 Shades of Meh

Ok, I know I'm going to catch a ton of flack for this and I hope we are all good enough friends where we can agree to disagree, but I have to tell you, I do not get 50 Shades of Grey. Mind you, I only read to page 64 and was so dizzy from my own eye rolling that I stopped. Well, I did jump ahead to try to find the good stuff... I found it and it was, well, meh.

Is READING really the way people are enjoying sex nowadays? Trust me, I'm a fan of porn, so I'm no prude, but I certainly don't pretend it is for anything other than a masturbatory tool. I don't try to pass it off as great film making as so many are trying to make reading this poorly written shit as "literature". Sorry, not buying it. I only have a few examples but the ones I have seem legit.

1) Rich hot guy falls for innocent virgin pale clumsy girl. Can we stop with the Cinderella bullshit already? It doesn't happen. Period. Ever. Thank you Disney, Pretty Woman and now Christian Grey for deceiving the minds of girls everywhere with this bullshit theory.

2) She calls drunk from a bar and hangs up, then he appears. He traced her call. Really? What are you fucking Batman? And how women just think that was awesome hurts my soul. Hey, stalker narcissist crazy man, fuck off.

3) He has mommy issues, he calls her a crackwhore. Oh sweet Jesus. Let's encourage more women to try to fix men because that works nine times out of NEVER. Zero amount of times. Not at all...never ever ago.

4) He hands her a list of shit that's not cool in bed...including gynecological tools and fireplay. Sorry, I was unaware that needed to be said. And who is the freak with a speculum in their night stand? Seriously. Who are you?

5) While having sex, he says she smells divine. Do people really say that while fucking? If someone ever called me divine while my ankles are around my head, I'd likely bust out in laughter and kill the mood. I may try that sometime, divine dick has a lovely ring to it.

Granted, I'm thrilled people are reading... And it may be the first time for many that they've read in ages, but are we so sexually deprived that it takes a poorly written book like this to get us to read?

I know it is a guilty pleasure, just for fun, etc. My only request is that you read a REAL book sometime too and just admit that this is just about the sex and spankings, which I get. But redtube is far more efficient and gets to the point without pretending to have a plot.

Maybe, I'm way off, I couldn't read it all. I cannot judge what I didn't read, but what I did, well... Meh.

Now, off to see Magic Mike... Jk