Angry Birds (with wine) cause Angry Texts

Friend: What ya doin?
Me: Playing Angry Birds
Me: I'm on a mission
Me: Fuck I suck
Friend: You talking Angry Birds or just in general?
Friend: :-)
Me: Bitch
Friend: You know the different color ones do cool, kick the shit out of pigs maneuvers...right?
Me: NO!!!!!!!! I had no idea
Me: How??
Me: Serious. This is important
Friend: Tap the screen. Yellow ones blast/dive bomb. Blue ones turn in to 3 mini ones. Black ones explode, but they explode on impact. Green ones are like boomerangs. I think that's all.
Me: Oh my god. Hold.
Me: Fuck off. It back fired. What??
Me: Ok - like tap how? Cuz this bitch just rolled over & played dead.
Friend: On the bird. Red ones don't do anything special if that is what you are trying to do. They can't hit anything either.
Me: They are falling down costing my lives. Aggghh
Me: You need to show me
Me: This is bullshit.
Friend: What color birds?
Me: None do shit when I tap the screen
Me: One blue. Two yellow. One red.
Me: Wait.
Me: Holy fuck so once I shoot them? I just exploded a blue one
Friend: Yes. Wow Mon.
Me: Sorry, I'm dumb. I didn't know.
Me: This is amazing. I'm a nerd. Fuck u.
Friend: I neglected to tell you that part, but I am seriously laughing out loud at the thought of you dribbling birds out of our slingshot.
Me: Fucking hate you. But love you. This is so great. Oh and fuck you. LOL
Me: I am "DIE WHORE"ing out loud right now
Friend: ??? I just unlocked Mega important info for you. Where is the love? I was trying my best to be descriptive.
Me: So much love. So much. I can't believe I didn't know.
Me: How those fucker walls don't fall is beyond me.
Friend: You would be surprised how many have no clue
Me: Serious. I hate this game.
Me: I had zero clue.
Me: NEXT LEVEL SON
Friend: Let me know when you're throwing boomerangs.
Me: BOOMERANGATANGTANG MUTHA FUUUCKAAAAAAAAAA!!
Friend: You're dumb
Me: I'm king.

Elephants are heavy

There is an invisible elephant on my chest.

Elephants are heavy.

Even the invisible ones.

Priority

Today my boss cancelled our weekly meeting...again.

Being that I really had some time sensitive things I wanted to discuss with him, I was pissed.

I text the guy I was seeing & told him what happened. He said "clearly not a priority"

I complained that he always cancelled. I told him that my boss was a lot like a bad relationship with someone who always lets you down.

He said "I meant that clearly YOU are not a priority"

So I broke up with him.

In my head.